I lost everything, but I started over and bought a house. My friend wants to pay off the mortgage and split the proceeds


I am 43 years old and I finally got him out of my financial hell. In my early twenties, I dated a guy for over a decade who promised me the world, and never kept any of his promises. I have bought and financed a lot of things for us based on those promises, like cars, furniture and trips on credit. I also gave a lot of money – money I didn’t really have – to family and friends.

All of these bad decisions eventually led me to file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. I lost everything, and had to start over. Me and my friend broke up. Family and friends did not come to help me. I have changed my financial habits since then. I no longer believe in buying property with my friends, I don’t lend money or work with family or friends.

By saving and sticking to a reasonable budget, I was able to purchase my first home after two years. I started purposefully contributing to my retirement and investing in my future. A year ago, I sold my house and bought a duplex with the profits. I live in one unit and rent the other unit. My plan was to use the property to support my retirement income.

In my early twenties, I dated a guy for over a decade who promised me the world, and never kept any of his promises.

My problem is that I’m dating someone new. He earns more money than me and we have different lifestyles. He demands luxury in everything he does. He rents an apartment in a wealthy neighborhood, regularly splurges on expensive dinners, and does not believe in the budget. During two months of dating, he declared his love for me and invited me to come and live with him.

He doesn’t like where my duplexes are, and he’s pushing me to sell it. I was abiding by the rules of no dealings with my friends. I did not ask this man for anything financially, nor do I complain to him about my money or my living arrangements. The market value of my property has increased by over $200,000 since I purchased it.

Fast forward to today: My new boyfriend offers to pay off my mortgage, split the proceeds from the sale, and then buy separate properties elsewhere. I really like this guy, but the red flags are starting to rise. My fear is that I will be targeted by a scam. Is a show like this worth considering?

ready to answer

You can email The Moneyist with any financial or ethical questions related to the coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell at Twitter.

Dear ready,

Beware of love launchers.

Take this scenario: Let’s say you paid $500,000, now it’s $700,000 and there’s $250,000 left on the mortgage. Your friend pays $250,000, you sell it for more than the asking price and you both receive roughly $350,000 after tax. Your friend makes $150,000 in profit. You walk in with $350,000, but you don’t have a home.

His bid is based on the assumption that you buy separate homes, will one day get married and your assets mixed together. This is a lot of ifs. Sell ​​now, and go ahead for $450,000. But why do you do that? You are happy where you live. The best part about your boyfriend not liking where you live? He doesn’t have to live there.

confess his love And the They give you cash to help you pay off your mortgage, and you go away with a good profit from your hard work. This is assuming he has no plans to give up much. Isn’t it great that you don’t need any of it? This house belongs to you. Don’t do anything to jeopardize it.

The best part about your boyfriend not liking where you live? He doesn’t have to live there.

You worked so hard to get back on your feet again, and you should be very proud of what you have achieved. It took a certain amount of audacity, patience, flexibility, and humility to admit your past mistakes, and vow to never repeat them. You are right to look over the past over your shoulder to inform the present.

Alongside this comes another character with dollar signs in their eyes, the appetite to seize the chance. He’s right on cue. I think we often go through the same hardships again – and again – if we don’t learn what we were supposed to learn. Your lesson: Don’t put other people’s needs before your own.

Your boyfriend has what you want: love and affection. You have something he wants: a house with rights.

Ask yourself what relationships you have with these friends in fair weather. their time? Now you can enjoy your life on your own terms. Flatter them and assert them? You are enough. She has demonstrated that true self-esteem and a sense of integrity begin at home. Feeling that you need? You need you.

Your boyfriend has what you want: companionship, love, and affection. You have something he wants: a house with rights. I’m sure your friends and family – those who admire your newfound independence – cheer for you, and can’t wait to see what you do next. Choose independence over co-dependence.

The commitment you made to yourself – like the proverbial raincoat from your childhood – is reversible. Do not buy property with your friends and do not sell your own property with your friend. I’ve come a long way to that. If you need money in the future, you always have the option to sell your duplex.

By emailing your questions, you agree to post them anonymously on MarketWatch. By submitting your Story to Dow Jones & Company, the publisher of MarketWatch, you understand and agree that we may use or copy your Story across all media and platforms, including through third parties.

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